Kareoke will never be a sober sport
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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