You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
