"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
