really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
