he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
