these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
