3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
