u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
