i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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