OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
