dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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