Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
