You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
