I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
