Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
