I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
