all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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