I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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