Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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