would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
