Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
