You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Never underestimate the power of titties
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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