You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
