I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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