Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
