I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
