Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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