i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
