If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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