she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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