If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
