I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
