Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
