i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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