wanna go halves on a baby?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
