Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
