Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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