dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
