Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
