Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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