note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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