If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
