Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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