so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
