I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
