i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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