I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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