You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
