Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
