fuck your aforementioned shoe
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
