I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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