He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
