I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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