i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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