You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
