In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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