bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
